Missing Link or Missing Kink?

A few weeks ago, Rush Limbaugh quipped "What does God and Obama have in common? Neither one has a birth certificate." While the joke was funny, it is now turning belly laughs into diarrhea cramps. And if your military brass, you might want to pick up some Imodium while its still on the commissary shelf.

U.S. Army Reserve major Stefan Frederick Cook was scheduled to report for deployment to Afghanistan within days, but decided to sue the government because he believed those orders were illegal. Cook's argument is that his orders are illegal because president Obama hasn't proven his eligibility for office.

A gutsy move? Au contraire, mon frère. According to his attorney, Orly Taitz, the military has rescinded his impending deployment orders.

"We won! We won before we even arrived. It means that the military has nothing to show for Obama. It means that the military has directly responded by saying Obama is illegitimate – and they cannot fight it. Therefore, they are revoking the order!"

I have no idea if President Obama is a natural born citizen, and neither does anyone else. The birth certificate he produced on his website was meaningless, and has thus been removed. Hawaii can produce the same "short form" certificate for people born outside the state. But here is what I do know. Obama has a team of lawyers whose only job is to conceal his REAL birth certificate. Obama has spent hundreds of thousands of dollars keeping his identity a secret. If that alone doesn't bring out your inner Arsenio Hall and make you go hmmmmmm, then I don't know what will. Major Cook wanted to serve in Afghanistan, but couldn't seem to shake the "hmmm" factor.

"As an officer in the armed forces of the United States, it is my duty to gain clarification on any order we may believe illegal. With that said, if President Obama is found not to be a 'natural-born citizen,' he is not eligible to be commander-in-chief."

"Then any order coming out of the presidency or his chain of command is illegal. Should I deploy, I would essentially be following an illegal order. If I happened to be captured by the enemy in a foreign land, I would not be privy to the Geneva Convention protections."

Makes sense to me. Apparently it makes sense to the United States Military. They didn't even go to court. When you don't have an argument to stand on, why argue? Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, here we have exhibit A, Obama's original birth certificate. Hey, where did it go. Case dismissed. Cook offered a novel idea.

"You know what. It would be so simple to solve. Just produce the long-form document, certificate of live birth."

You mean the one John McCain had to produce? You mean the one I had to produce for my passport? You mean the one every natural-born U.S citizen has? Your an idea man Major Cook.

Here's a another joke for you. What do Iraq's WMDs & Obama's birth certificate have in common? Both were claimed to exist by a U.S. President, but haven't turned up yet.

Whites know better?!

In Ohio, six people were attacked by a group of 50 teenage boys during a Fourth of July celebration. The Marshalls, said the crowd of teens assaulted them while watching fireworks outside a friend's home.

"My thing is,'' Marshall said, ''I didn't want this, but I was in fear for my wife, my kids and my friends. I felt I had to stay out there to protect them, because those guys were just jumping, swinging fists and everything.

''I'm lucky. They didn't break my ribs or bruise my ribs. I thank God, they concentrated on my thick head because I do have one. They were trying to take my head off my spine, basically.''

Marshall suffered a concussion and multiple bruises to his head and had to spend five nights in the hospital at Akron General Medical Center.

Before I forget, I need to mention this family was attacked by a group of all black teenagers. Why bring it up? Because the attackers wanted you to know. During the attack, the black crowd shouted "This is our world" and "This is a black world". So are police calling it a hate crime? Absolutely not, the victims were all white.

In the real world, a hate crime would occur when a perpetrator targets a victim because of his/her membership in a certain religious, racial, or sexual group. But in our alternate universe, located deep within a rabbit hole in time and space, a hate crime victim CAN'T be white. You see, a hate crime is only a crime when it is against one of our "pet" groups. Whites can only hate blacks. Breeders can only hate gays. Christians can only hate Muslims.

First of all, hate crime laws are stupid. We already have laws against assault, vandalism, murder, etc. The only reason to insert hate into existing laws is to give the government room to enforce what people THINK. We have laws to keep people from using sticks and stones to break your bones. But now we need to have laws to make sure their words don't hurt your feelings.

Secondly, hate laws are extremely offensive. If I were black, I would be outraged over the double-standard. For the Akron police department to not classify the attack as a hate crime is clearly racist. Does the Akron police department expect MORE of its white population than it's black? Is white on black crime way more serious than black on white?

Since the attackers shouted "This is a black world", perhaps the police assumed this was normal behavior. Maybe they thought no civilized "white" gang would do such a thing. And if they did, they would be charged with a hate crime because white people aren't supposed to act like that.

Come on "white" Ohio, you should know better than that.

Obama's INMADIDL Tour

It took four days for Obama to respond to the Iranian election protests. And the only reason he did so was because it took that long for the Iranian government to gun down it's own citizens. Yet Obama's response was one of great restraint. He is the President of change, so his response needed to be a complete 180 from what Bush would have said.

"It is not productive, given the history of US and Iranian relations to be seen as meddling in Iranian elections,"

Our President is so engaged and focused on America's problems, he doesn't have the resources to "meddle" in the affairs of other countries. Take that George Bush! America has it's own problems right now.

The good news is that Obama has just finished fixing America and put the country on auto-pilot. Now that America is perfect, Obama has decided to undo the "change" and get back to some good ole Bush meddling. Within HOURS of the Honduran government arresting their president on criminal charges, Obama had this to say.

"I am deeply concerned by reports coming out of Honduras regarding the detention and expulsion of President Mel Zelaya. As the Organization of American States did on Friday, I call on all political and social actors in Honduras to respect democratic norms, the rule of law and the tenets of the Inter-American Democratic Charter. Any existing tensions and disputes must be resolved peacefully through dialogue free from any outside interference."

"President Zelaya was democratically elected, he had not yet completed his term. We believe that the coup was not legal and that President Zelaya remains the President of Honduras, the democratically elected president there."

So when another government attacks it's civilians while protesting election fraud, its their problem and not mine. But when a sovereign nation arrests their own president for breaking the law, Obama made statements faster than Jesse Jackson running to a TV camera.

Obama said that he wanted Honduras to respect democratic norms and the rule of law. What's interesting is that Mr Zelaya was arresting for BREAKING the law. Mr. Zelaya didn't like the idea that he couldn't be President forever, so he decided to have an illegal vote to amend the Constitution by himself. Unfortunately, for Mr. Zelaya, he doesn't have the authority to use white-out on the Honduran Constitution. The courts then ordered a halt to the vote and ordered the military to arrest anyone attempting to carry it out. Mr. Zelaya was arrested while leading a vote parade in the middle of the street.

The Honduran government arrested their own President for breaking the law and attempting the change the constitution on his own. Honduras has "democratic norms" for changing it's Constitution, as well as "rules and laws" to govern it.

Why was President Obama NOT on the side of the Honduran government and it's people to uphold their constitution? Why is he siding with Mr. Zelaya and demanding that Honduras overlook the fact that he tried to bulldoze himself into a dictatorship? Could it be that Obama doesn't want to be seen as a hypocrite when he himself goes after OUR constitution? And so the "Obama: I've Never Met A Dictator I Didn't Like" tour moves on. I wonder where it goes next.